Hey readers,
I know Ii haven't written in a while and I hoped that there was a better reason than that I had just been busy but there isn't. I have been busy. So where to start?
How about with Borgloon? Okay so I wrote a short story on my Iphone while I was there so I could share it with you all when I came back. Since I have been back, I haven't had a lot of time to myself hence why there is no post about Borgloon. But not to worry. I will put something up today when I finish up at work about it or maybe sometime during the week.
So lets get down to the point of today's post. So it the day before my birthday and I am freaking out. Why? Okay, So I don't particularly like any major holidays or 'Big Days'. Valentines days, Birthdays, Christmas and blah. I have spent the last couple of birthdays crying or being really depressed or some emotion on the other side of the scale that wasn't happiness. After a few years of failed attempts of trying to make the only day that actually revolved around me the 'best it could be', I gave up on it. What was the point right? I mean it was only a day and then it was over. And it wasn't as if the was significantly special in any way. You were just about to day that you were a year older.It may sound completely bizaro to some of you but rest assured, when you have had disasters for birthdays as me , You will understand completely.
So because of that I am a little lets say on 'high alert' for my birthday tomorrow. I haven't made any plans because they are pretty pointless with everyone working and I really don't have any expectations from anyone to try make my day special so as far as I'm concerned, I am going to wake up and go to work and then come home and then the horrifying day that I countdown to and dread every year will be over.
BUT!! And this is a big BUT.... My mum did let something slip this morning when I went to pick up something from the kitchen. She went all sentimental on me talking about how my brother loved me so much and he would do a lot for me and all of that. -_-. I think I was pretty aware that my brother you know felt that way about me because otherwise... that's just fucked no? ... Yes! And then she was like ' He told me to keep quite about it all'... and I was just thinking, then WHY are you telling me? I just turned to her and said 'Mother, you have no restraint at all' and battered my eyelashes at her. To be honest, I really couldn't gather up enough emotions to feel excited about this 'surprise' since there was a 89% chance that there won't be one. Getting excited for things was not something that I was really into, especially when it involved a third party. I guess I don't trust anyone with my happiness but myself.
So, today I am planning to leave work as late as possible because I know tomorrow will drag on forever. Shit things always do. So, since I am at work. This is it for today. I will try and keep you updated on everything but I really needed to let this uneasy feeling go a little. Putting it out there is kinda helping.
MOT Girl x
