Hey readers,
I know Ii haven't written in a while and I hoped that there was a better reason than that I had just been busy but there isn't. I have been busy. So where to start?
How about with Borgloon? Okay so I wrote a short story on my Iphone while I was there so I could share it with you all when I came back. Since I have been back, I haven't had a lot of time to myself hence why there is no post about Borgloon. But not to worry. I will put something up today when I finish up at work about it or maybe sometime during the week.
So lets get down to the point of today's post. So it the day before my birthday and I am freaking out. Why? Okay, So I don't particularly like any major holidays or 'Big Days'. Valentines days, Birthdays, Christmas and blah. I have spent the last couple of birthdays crying or being really depressed or some emotion on the other side of the scale that wasn't happiness. After a few years of failed attempts of trying to make the only day that actually revolved around me the 'best it could be', I gave up on it. What was the point right? I mean it was only a day and then it was over. And it wasn't as if the was significantly special in any way. You were just about to day that you were a year older.It may sound completely bizaro to some of you but rest assured, when you have had disasters for birthdays as me , You will understand completely.
So because of that I am a little lets say on 'high alert' for my birthday tomorrow. I haven't made any plans because they are pretty pointless with everyone working and I really don't have any expectations from anyone to try make my day special so as far as I'm concerned, I am going to wake up and go to work and then come home and then the horrifying day that I countdown to and dread every year will be over.
BUT!! And this is a big BUT.... My mum did let something slip this morning when I went to pick up something from the kitchen. She went all sentimental on me talking about how my brother loved me so much and he would do a lot for me and all of that. -_-. I think I was pretty aware that my brother you know felt that way about me because otherwise... that's just fucked no? ... Yes! And then she was like ' He told me to keep quite about it all'... and I was just thinking, then WHY are you telling me? I just turned to her and said 'Mother, you have no restraint at all' and battered my eyelashes at her. To be honest, I really couldn't gather up enough emotions to feel excited about this 'surprise' since there was a 89% chance that there won't be one. Getting excited for things was not something that I was really into, especially when it involved a third party. I guess I don't trust anyone with my happiness but myself.
So, today I am planning to leave work as late as possible because I know tomorrow will drag on forever. Shit things always do. So, since I am at work. This is it for today. I will try and keep you updated on everything but I really needed to let this uneasy feeling go a little. Putting it out there is kinda helping.
MOT Girl x
Monday, 20 August 2012
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
Liar Liar Hearts on Fire!
Hey boys and Girls!
Guess what.. I'm in the mood to be very passive aggressive today. WHY? I have no clue! I've been soo up and down lately I have no idea.
But anyway, some juicy info for you young ladies that think boys are everything and you'll do anything to get your paws on to them. Babes take a chill pill. Boys are like false advertisement. They try their best to impress you and draw you in and as soon as you give them your attention then BAM! They screw you over!
And yes this has something to do with my love life. Isn't it always. Dear gosh! So after breaking up with my beau we tried working things out and he told me he loved me. Crazy idiot I know. I'm pretty sure I'm incapable of love , at least romantically. Anyway, I didn't say it back. I wanted to wait till he got back from his holiday with his friend who happens to be a girl sharing one room and one bed -.-.
Anyway, I told him that we could give it another shot if he comes back from his holiday without having shagged everything that moved. Gosh ! This guy is just hormonal. You know. I had a dream about them. I think it was a dream but I'm not sure. I saw them holding hands and kissing and it was like I was there in their room with them while they shagged and I did feel very disgusted and slightly betrayed but like I said. It's a dream.
However, it it so happened that it were true then I would laugh SO hard and applaud them. Honestly. Well I see him tomorrow so I can ask him (passive aggressively) what happened with a big smile on my face. :)
Totally interesting. Can't wait .....
MOT GIRL X
Guess what.. I'm in the mood to be very passive aggressive today. WHY? I have no clue! I've been soo up and down lately I have no idea.
But anyway, some juicy info for you young ladies that think boys are everything and you'll do anything to get your paws on to them. Babes take a chill pill. Boys are like false advertisement. They try their best to impress you and draw you in and as soon as you give them your attention then BAM! They screw you over!
And yes this has something to do with my love life. Isn't it always. Dear gosh! So after breaking up with my beau we tried working things out and he told me he loved me. Crazy idiot I know. I'm pretty sure I'm incapable of love , at least romantically. Anyway, I didn't say it back. I wanted to wait till he got back from his holiday with his friend who happens to be a girl sharing one room and one bed -.-.
Anyway, I told him that we could give it another shot if he comes back from his holiday without having shagged everything that moved. Gosh ! This guy is just hormonal. You know. I had a dream about them. I think it was a dream but I'm not sure. I saw them holding hands and kissing and it was like I was there in their room with them while they shagged and I did feel very disgusted and slightly betrayed but like I said. It's a dream.
However, it it so happened that it were true then I would laugh SO hard and applaud them. Honestly. Well I see him tomorrow so I can ask him (passive aggressively) what happened with a big smile on my face. :)
Totally interesting. Can't wait .....
MOT GIRL X
Monday, 6 August 2012
Mer!
Oh god! I feel like I could die right now! After a depressing Sunday with me by myself in a fairly sized house doing nothing but staring. I must have stared so much that my eyes stung when I tried to blink. Dear God!!!!
I have no idea where the depressing state came from that day. I had a decent morning. Well basically, Saturday night after going to the Olympics , I'm home in bed half conscious when I hear familiar voices and it only takes me seconds to realize that my sister and her boyfriend have come to stay for the night. GREEEEEAAAAATTTT :/.
So after a restless sleep , I DON'T want to wake up anytime before 11 at the latest on a Sunday morning. And guess what time I woke up.. 6 bloody 30! I don't even wake up that early when I need to go to work. Sods law i said out loud and screamed into my pillow! FUCK!!
Anyway, after a busy morning with everyone getting ready to do something of some sort I'm stuck being still. I'm on my bed, not moving at all. The only movement I manage is my blinking eyes. After everyone had left I grabbed my laptop and started watching movies for the WHOLE day. Eating was not on this depressing agenda. I grabbed a huge bottle of water from our fridge and that was my only source of 'food' until about 11. Like really? Who am I? Why all of a sudden do I feel a relapse. Depression is behind me for Godsakes. I thought about talking to my mum but I thought feck it. There is no way she will understand how I am feeling at this moment. To be fair, I didn't understand why I felt like that!
Let me not bore you all with my ranting. It's Monday and my spirits are seriously low. Feck!
MOT Girl x
I have no idea where the depressing state came from that day. I had a decent morning. Well basically, Saturday night after going to the Olympics , I'm home in bed half conscious when I hear familiar voices and it only takes me seconds to realize that my sister and her boyfriend have come to stay for the night. GREEEEEAAAAATTTT :/.
So after a restless sleep , I DON'T want to wake up anytime before 11 at the latest on a Sunday morning. And guess what time I woke up.. 6 bloody 30! I don't even wake up that early when I need to go to work. Sods law i said out loud and screamed into my pillow! FUCK!!
Anyway, after a busy morning with everyone getting ready to do something of some sort I'm stuck being still. I'm on my bed, not moving at all. The only movement I manage is my blinking eyes. After everyone had left I grabbed my laptop and started watching movies for the WHOLE day. Eating was not on this depressing agenda. I grabbed a huge bottle of water from our fridge and that was my only source of 'food' until about 11. Like really? Who am I? Why all of a sudden do I feel a relapse. Depression is behind me for Godsakes. I thought about talking to my mum but I thought feck it. There is no way she will understand how I am feeling at this moment. To be fair, I didn't understand why I felt like that!
Let me not bore you all with my ranting. It's Monday and my spirits are seriously low. Feck!
MOT Girl x
Friday, 3 August 2012
Dreamers Dream
'... are you the sweetest invention of a lovers dream... or are you truly as wonderful as you seem...'
Things are never really how we want it to be.And if we said in the spur of the moment that something was 'perfect' then you obviously deceived yourself. If I said my life was perfect then I would be lying.. BIG time. Truth is, I feel like my life is a long way from being perfect. There are a lot of things to do and while I've been able to do A LOT of things in my short life... it's not enough. It just hasn't been my one true love which is acting. Sure I go to my weekly routine classes and I love it but It's just not the same performing for one person. Acting is what I love to do. It keeps me sane and I love love love.
My acting class went great and I can't wait to get back to it. My instructor has so much faith in me that it's over whelming. I was so touched by her persistence in me finding work. I think she believes in me more than my own family. It's a little sad but I believe in myself and I believe in the bigger picture that God has for me. I am so touched and if this career picks up , I'll have my teacher to guide me through it.
That's it for now. My heart is still heavy with adoration that I cannot think properly.
Lots of love
MOT Girl x
Things are never really how we want it to be.And if we said in the spur of the moment that something was 'perfect' then you obviously deceived yourself. If I said my life was perfect then I would be lying.. BIG time. Truth is, I feel like my life is a long way from being perfect. There are a lot of things to do and while I've been able to do A LOT of things in my short life... it's not enough. It just hasn't been my one true love which is acting. Sure I go to my weekly routine classes and I love it but It's just not the same performing for one person. Acting is what I love to do. It keeps me sane and I love love love.
My acting class went great and I can't wait to get back to it. My instructor has so much faith in me that it's over whelming. I was so touched by her persistence in me finding work. I think she believes in me more than my own family. It's a little sad but I believe in myself and I believe in the bigger picture that God has for me. I am so touched and if this career picks up , I'll have my teacher to guide me through it.
That's it for now. My heart is still heavy with adoration that I cannot think properly.
Lots of love
MOT Girl x
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
short for a penny
Oh My Gosh!
My Larrd, I feel like this morning has just been the devils hand in my life! It has been one of those mornings where you want to throw yourself on the floor and roll around like a little child because nothing is going your way!
How can i get to the train station and get stuck! How is that possible? I was stuck there for half an hour because I was short of a PEENY!! Is this life? Let me tell you how it went.
Last night before leaving work, my boss said to come in early so I was like cool. I woke up extra early this morning so I could get in at the required time. Last night I topped up my Oyster so that I didn't have to stand in line to top it up. I get to the train station and try to enter and the thing reads 'see assistance'. I wait in line waiting to see what was wrong with my Oyster and it turns out I only had £0.35 on my Oyster. I could have died!!! I was just in shock. How in the world was that possible. I was fuming. I rummage through my bag and I find like 20p so I put it on but that only brings my balance up to 65p. I look into my purse and find a 5p coin and look deep into my bag and find 4p!! Really? I needed to have 70p before I could enter. And guess what, the bloody machine doesn't take 5p's. If I had a penny more, I could have asked the man at the station stop to give me a 10p in full. BUT I DIDN'T.
It's not like I didn't have money on my card because I did. I just didn't want to have to use it for only a penny! I was fuming. But I had no choice. I had to get to a cash point to take out money. The nearest free cash point was like 4 mins from the station. I had to get back on a bus and get to a bank to take out the money. Trust me I was not happy about that but I had to do it because I was already 20 minutes behind schedule. I bit my tongue , closed my eyes and put money on that mother!
I was soo ANGRY!! OH MY.But anyway, I was late to work by an hour but my boss didn't seem to mind which was just incredible AND get this. I don't know if you know about the district line but they come like waterworks, Literally one after the other. without like 2 mins between them but today I waited a whole 6 minutes! Like what the hell is up with that?
But anyway, I put on some gospel music and my heart calmed down singing 'Worthy is the Lamb'. Praise Jesus!
MOT Girl x
My Larrd, I feel like this morning has just been the devils hand in my life! It has been one of those mornings where you want to throw yourself on the floor and roll around like a little child because nothing is going your way!
How can i get to the train station and get stuck! How is that possible? I was stuck there for half an hour because I was short of a PEENY!! Is this life? Let me tell you how it went.
Last night before leaving work, my boss said to come in early so I was like cool. I woke up extra early this morning so I could get in at the required time. Last night I topped up my Oyster so that I didn't have to stand in line to top it up. I get to the train station and try to enter and the thing reads 'see assistance'. I wait in line waiting to see what was wrong with my Oyster and it turns out I only had £0.35 on my Oyster. I could have died!!! I was just in shock. How in the world was that possible. I was fuming. I rummage through my bag and I find like 20p so I put it on but that only brings my balance up to 65p. I look into my purse and find a 5p coin and look deep into my bag and find 4p!! Really? I needed to have 70p before I could enter. And guess what, the bloody machine doesn't take 5p's. If I had a penny more, I could have asked the man at the station stop to give me a 10p in full. BUT I DIDN'T.
It's not like I didn't have money on my card because I did. I just didn't want to have to use it for only a penny! I was fuming. But I had no choice. I had to get to a cash point to take out money. The nearest free cash point was like 4 mins from the station. I had to get back on a bus and get to a bank to take out the money. Trust me I was not happy about that but I had to do it because I was already 20 minutes behind schedule. I bit my tongue , closed my eyes and put money on that mother!
I was soo ANGRY!! OH MY.But anyway, I was late to work by an hour but my boss didn't seem to mind which was just incredible AND get this. I don't know if you know about the district line but they come like waterworks, Literally one after the other. without like 2 mins between them but today I waited a whole 6 minutes! Like what the hell is up with that?
But anyway, I put on some gospel music and my heart calmed down singing 'Worthy is the Lamb'. Praise Jesus!
MOT Girl x
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